Last month I shared with you my strategy for losing 20kg, regaining my health, and fitting back into my wedding dress… Mostly the responses to my story were supportive and cheer-squaddy, (thanks!! And by the way, yes I did complete a half-marathon!).
But there were also angry, hateful and derogatory responses too, mostly from haters who don’t know any better. For example, here’s an amalgamation of some haters’ comments…
“How nice for you to have a husband and a farm and money to pay for a naturopath,” wrote one hater. “I don’t have any of these, now you’ve made me feel like shit.”
Why doesn’t this hater have any of the things I have? Because she’s in a mindset of lack.
Her lack only lets her see what she does not have. She can’t see what she does have, including opportunities to be amazing.
She is immersed in feelings of jealousy. Of victim-ness. Of poor me. Of why me? Of lashing out to bring me down in order to make herself feel better.
Yeah I could shower the haters with love, fairy dust and a unicorn fart, but I don’t roll that way. I’m more about calling a spade and spade and supporting my clients in getting their shit together.
I’m also a fierce defender of my boundaries, and baby, I’ve not given anyone permission to make me feel guilty for my little successes.
So instead of being sweet love and light, I’ve locked and loaded.
Using the above hater’s excerpt as an example, here is my open letter offering advice to haters, on how to harness that energy and use their powers for good.
Dear hater, For as long as you stay in a mindset of lack, there cannot be a supportive husband, a home that’s a haven, or money to pay for things that will help you be a bigger and better version of yourself.
All these things can only come when the space for them has been created.
You can create the space by setting your intention to make it happen. Intend for there to be love, security and abundance in your life, and open yourself to letting it happen. That’s the short answer.
The brilliant, life-changing, wow-factor answer to beating the hater mindset, is this:
Recognise what it is that’s making you jealous. Name it, claim it, and use that mo-fo to spur you onto a bigger, bolder, beauty-fuller future!
If reading about someone else’s success ignites feelings of bitterness or jealousy, BINGO — you have identified where your blockage lies.
You’ve found the trigger to your feelings of inadequacy, of lack and of hopelessness.
Harness that pony, and let’s ride!
Vibe self-respect to attract a wonderful husband. Love where you live! Ramp up your self-worth.
Because you bagged me out for having all of these things, it’s a sure sign you’re wishing these things for yourself.
Use that jealousy to spur you, inspire you, and power your way to a brighter future FULL of that which will make you happy.
Or, another way of saying it…
Accept responsibility for your choices. If you’re not happy with the ones you’ve made, make new ones!
With love, Anita
For in naming what it is that makes you feel like shit, you have the beginnings of a plan to bust the blockage.
A longer explanation of what I mean… By way of example, let’s break this particular hater’s beef down.
“You have a husband” — tells me that she is not enjoying a supportive, loving relationship of her own. A healthy relationship with someone else simply can’t happen while wallowing in a self-pitying mindset.
Your vibe attracts your tribe
If a loving relationship is what she wants, she could take steps to building self-respect and self-appreciation. This will help her “vibe” at a level that will attract an equally respectful and loving partner.
“You have a farm” — tells me she is not happy where she’s living. I’m not sure whether it’s a toxic environment that has brought her down, or whether her toxic mindset is what has attracted a home that doesn’t bring her joy.
Either way, she can change her mind to change her mind.
She could look for a home that can be filled with laughter and love. It doesn’t have to be a mansion or a farm to be amazing. Truth is, I was just as happy in my tiny one-bedroom flat in Sydney as I am here — it was my choice to “see beauty” that made my home a happy one to be in.
Or, she could de-clutter the one she’s in — spring clean it of the toxicity that compels her to dump on others for their good fortune.
Basically, spewing negativity is not conducive to a happy home environment. So, choose beauty and watch the magic happen!
And finally, on the issue of abundance. Hoo-eeeeee this is a big one. Sooooo many women are missing this sense of “deserving”.
How you spend money on yourself all boils down to your sense of self-worth and value. (This concept is explained further in this little eBook: Money and Mojo: Enrich Your Worth and Self-Respect.)
I’m sorry if you currently don’t feel worthy enough to deserve great things. But change your attitude to gratitude, and sister, watch all your ducks line up!
Get your ducks in a row…
“Get your ducks in a row” is an expression to “get your life in order”.
When your ducks are in a row, everything is in flow. Have you got a recalcitrant duck that is stopping your “flow” right now? Click on the image to comment, and set that negative energy free!
* More good news!
How staying relentlessly positive actually works!
I did it! I ran a half-marathon!!!
18 months ago I couldn’t run 10 steps. In staying focussed on improving my health, I proved to myself that with a can-do attitude, even mind-blowingly scary dreams are possible!
Before I started the race, I promised myself I’d take it easy, and be rapt if I could just make the distance.
What happened next — I got caught up in the amazing atmosphere of the Gold Coast Marathon, and ran, and ran, and ran.
I absolutely shocked myself when I got to the 20km mark and realised I’d run the whole way so far — I’d never run more than 1km at a time before this!!
Mind you, it was at that point that I hit a wall, too.
Only 1km to go and I had no strength left. My legs were burning, and I had no petrol left in the tank to give the final 1km a burst.
I likened the experience to childbirth… Once that baby’s in motion, there is no going back. There is only drawing on every resource to get to the end. I drew on the power of music, the crowd’s support, the beautiful views, and a couple of anti-inflammatory tablets. In hindsight, I probably ran some of it out-of-body.
I used whatever resource I could to get me through.
And it worked… I got to the end, and I got there by staying relentlessly positive.
I’m so grateful to everyone who cheered me on. You’ve no idea how much your support means to me.
I hope this helps!