Stand up for yourself (with NLP)

Turn sissy to sassy! If you’re having trouble standing up for yourself, try this exercise using the New Behaviour Generator (with NLP). It will take you from being unhappy with how you handle a situation, to being able to manage it appropriately and easily.

You might be unhappy with the way you have to nag your boyfriend, for example. By modelling your new behaviour on someone who doesn’t nag her boyfriend, you will add new resources to your tool belt so that next time, you won’t have to nag either.

Or if you always act passively when your father tells you who you are to marry, you could use Cordelia as your role model and see yourself standing up for your own needs as your new behaviour.

This exercise uses Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), and is easy to use by yourself without a coach or guide if you’re already familiar with NLP terms. If this is your first experience, however, you will need some help understanding some of the jargon.

Read through the steps a couple of times first so you can “flow” through it for the actual exercise. Alternatively re-write these steps as a script and record it – playing it back to yourself will let you focus on the doing rather than the instructing.

Recall a situation where you felt unresourceful. In 1st position, be in the situation. See, hear, and feel what’s happening around you. If other people are in your scope, make a note of how they are responding. This is your “context” that we will refer to later.

With a deep breath, physically step back from the situation and step into 3rd position. Shift your posture to express a resource state. Now, observe the situation as if you were watching a movie of yourself.

Evaluate the situation and select a model who exhibits effective behaviours in this context. Do this by thinking of someone else who can handle your “context” really well. See that person doing different behaviours than you have been doing in this context. Then, choose one of those behaviours appropriate for you to learn in order to override the unresourceful state in this context.

See and hear yourself doing those new, effective behaviours in this context.

Ecology Check – is this new state for the greatest good of all?

Associate: Step back into the situation with the new resources available to you. Experience it from the inside, hearing, seeing, and feeling yourself behave with all of these resources available.

Evaluate your new response. If you are not happy, begin again from step 3. This time, choose a different resource and/or model or mentor that has the resources you need.

Future-pace: Rehearse for the future, by imagining a similar situation in which you want to have all your resources available.

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